Dad.
Haven’t updated in a long, long time. Well things are different, from January 10th onwards. My CNY this year was a completely different experience from the past– mum and I spent it alone, NONE of the uncles and aunts from mum’s side visited, screw their promises and everything. Didn’t participate actively in orientation dances and cheering as well, simple no mood. Well for those who still come back here to read, this is my story.
I didn’t have the chance to type out everything. Or rather, I didn’t know where to begin. Way too many things, too many images, all stuck in my brain. My blog will probably be left to rot after this, I’m just updating cos I wanna remember a very special person and this is a tribute to you, dad.
In a letter to a benefactor in school:
Dear Sir
First of all, I would like to take this opportunity to express my sincere gratitude towards your kindness and generosity to provide financial aid in the form of bursaries. Let me take this chance to also share with you my family’s situation.
I am the only child of my family, and together with my father and mother, we used to live happily in a humble flat in Tampines.
Early this year, two days before receiving my ‘O’ level results, I was at the Temasek Polytechnic Open House with two of my friends when I received a phone call from my aunt who told me to get home immediately to retrieve my passport and wait for my smallest uncle to pick me up, we were to go over to Malaysia immediately. My parents, along with my uncles and aunties had gone to Malaysia that morning. Initially, I thought my parents were stuck at the customs in Malaysia and we had to go over to bring them out or something.
When I got home from the Open House, I called my aunt again to ask where my uncle was, and that was when I realised that both my parents had not spoken to me throughout. My aunt sounded a little weird, when she told me he was on his way. Still, I was rather calm and cool about it, thinking everything was fine, when it was the complete opposite.
On the way to Malaysia, my stomach wrenched in fear, and agony– I already had this sick feeling that my parents might have met in some accident. Two survivors? Maybe one? Or none? I had no idea at all. All I knew was that it was the longest journey of my life, ever. I contemplated suicide, should they both leave me.
After what seemed like an eternity, we arrived. It was already dark by the time we reached Kota Tinggi hospital. At the door, through the dirty window glass of the car, I peered out and saw my uncle with tears in his eyes, which further added to my despair. When I alighted, he told me something I would never forget: “ Your dad is gone, your aunt is gone too; your mum is inside.”
I could not cry, I was in a state of shock. I ran into the hospital, unaware of which direction I was headed. I was afraid, and very afraid. I thought mum was in critical condition. There was no time to be upset.
I broke down when I saw my mum, covered in glass shards all over. She told me she was sorry that dad was gone, along with my aunt. She cried. My first tear dropped. I cried, cried hard. Even until today, this seems like a surreal dream. But it is difficult to avoid this fact, for life is not like a game console, where mistakes can be erased by simply pressing the “reset” button.
Mum was fine, then. Apart from serious physical injuries and emotional trauma, she was out of danger. We rushed her out to Singapore that night as the lousy hospital in Malaysia did not administer medication, nor did they remove the glass shards in her skin. I went on to make a police report there, and went on alone to identify my dad’s body. I was very afraid to identiy a body battered beyond recognition, but he was my dad, and as his only child and only son, I had to do it. It was tough, no doubt. But I have my dad’s bravery in me, I felt better after thinking about it.
We shipped the bodies to Singapore by around 2-3am the following day, and over the next few days, I was at the funeral wake, settling everything by myself while mum was in Tan Tock Seng hospital. I was occasionally accompanied by my friends and teachers who came to deliver my ‘O’ level results to me, but the sense of euphoria and happiness of receiving a 7A1 result slip was gone. I was not elated. My dad did not even get to see my results. I was suppressing my emotions until the day of the cremation, when I broke down in front of my friends, I cried the hardest.
Now, I am trying to adapt to this life without my dad. I take him as my idol, I want to follow in his footsteps but study harder, and make him proud. His life, was short and tough. He worked very hard, but he was a very honest man with excellent values and a great character, as well as great tolerance for others. I would want to be like him someday, hopefully.
Now I am living life anew, and I renew my pledge to take good care of my mum and study hard everytime I visit dad in the temple. My mum and I are still very sad, though I am different as I try very hard to not show it to her. But I will live on, and strive harder, with my dad living forever in my heart.
That is my story of how I lose my dad in an car accident in Malaysia. My mum is not working now, and we are living off our current savings and our relatives’ occasional aid. Your financial aid is most appreciated and would come of great importance to relieve our burden until mum gets well enough to get a job. I thank you from the bottom of my heart.
That’s basically a summary of what happened. I wanna thank my bros and buddies, namely Xiangyang, Nelson, Matthew, Eugene, Jasper, Victor, Yile, ZhengYong….. and Zhengwei, Sean, Hongzhek, our class’ PRCs, 4H’08, Mervyn, the 2C gang of Tiong Ho, Leonard, YiHan, Sijing, Yan Chin, AHSRC’08, all the teachers, Dr Boon, Miss Cheong, for all their help rendered. As well as my pals Alex and Choon Kwong, Chinyee, Louise, Jonathan Tan and Goh, Andrew for coming to accompany me at times, as well as many many many other people. Shanna Wenxin Vanessa ILook Ziyun, as well as dozens of others for coming down to help and fold papers for my dad. Just cant finish expressing my gratitude to this bunch of great people. Most importantly, thank AHS for my great class 2C’06 and 4H’08 and for fundraising for my mum and I, coach Daniel, SiKaiGe and all the church people.
Well that’s about it for the update. A big thank you to every single one who dropped by and sms-ed. I will stay strong, just like you dad. Watch me.
nothing is absolute. 